TV Review: Soapstar Superstar

ITV1, 14th January 2006

This is an archived post from Wishes on Eyelashes, a previous incarnation of this site.

Isn’t it about time ITV had a knock on the door from the Trade Descriptions office? Soapstar Superstar couldn’t be further from its title if it went to a fancy dress party in a chicken suit with a packet of Beechams and called itself Bird Flu.

The final straw was Cilla Black exclaiming ‘Now it’s time for Andy mania’. Andy Whyment, for those of you who don’t know, is best described as ‘the village idiot of Coronation Street’.

“On Coronation Street people see me as this dopey character,” Andy admits. “So this gives me a chance just to show a different side to me.”

He’s also been in a band called Nation, who were invited to play on This Morning and (that well remembered show) Lunchtime Live.

Far be it from me to judge but even the strictest of vegans would’ve found his rendition of The Kink’s You Really Got Me extremely cheesy.

The most shocking thing is that our beloved Andy wasn’t even the worst of the Soapstar Superstars. In fact he was one of the few that could even hold a note.

Then there was the judges. How we loved Cilla in the early 90’s, but God rest her soul (and soon it will be) her Grandmotherly approach of total praise and affection for every contestant only added to the already high nauseous levels. Add to this Chris Cowey, whose biggest claim to fame is ruining Top Of The Pops and leaving it in the mess it is in today, and Billy Sammeth who is only famous for being sacked more times by Cher than she has had hot dinners.

The winner, in case you are interested, was Richard Fleishmann, a 16 year old actor from Coronation Street. He made Billy cry, Cilla swoon and Chris, well, mumble another cliché. Oh and the majority women voters liked his baby-face good looks.

On the positive side, ITV can learn from its mistakes. It now knows that Fern Britten and Ben Shepard should stick to morning television, not to build a studio that looks like the inside of a warehouse with some knock-off plasma screens, and, most of all, no more celebrity reality shows.

What’s going to be next? Andi Peters, David Seaman and some more soap actors attempting to ice skate? Oh wait…